That's enough for now...

So, I've kind of had it. People are manipulative. Sometimes people that you least expect turn out to be the ones that hurt you most. And the thing is, if it was just the way that I feel that would be fine. But, it's not. Sometimes, when you have a conversation it changes everything makes me realize the manipulation that people use. It makes me angry. And no, this is not self pity. This is a realization that sometimes I let people use me. Use my husband. Use everything and then, when you think it will all work out it becomes another cosmic pain in the butt.

Maybe this is being petty and I might be looking back on this and be like wow, this was selfish but I really don't care!

Snow, Graduation, and Musings.

I started looking at graduation announcements today. Scary. Its hard to think that this summer I will no longer be a BRCC student. I mean do not get me wrong. I am ready to get going on bigger and better things. But I feel comfortable at BRCC. I love my surroundings, the people, the profs. I love every minute of it. Brcc is so unique in the way that it makes you feel. Everyone is friendly, willing to help, and focused. Even though they are not the smartest people when it comes to cancelling for snow. There could be 5 inches on the ground and they wouldnt care. They still want students there. Rather than that though they are awesome.

Yes, I feel like i am eulogizing Brcc. But this is a time in my life that is coming to an end.

Rather than that I am at home safe and sound while the snow drifts down. Sometimes I love snow and other times I cannot stand it. I mean yeah it gets you out of doing things but it also creates a problem when there is something that you have to do.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world I am day dreaming about summer plans. I really want to go camping. Really want to go to the ocean. Maybe that is because it is so cold outside.

Saturday

So,today was supposed to be a cleaning day. Me and my husband with our guys getting things clean. Didn't exactly work out that way. Husband left his phone so I have no way to text him. I feel lost. I do not think there has ever been a time that I haven't had a way to be in contact with him.It feels weird. One of the upsides of this job is that I have my husband around more than a regular life. There is no really work week, so we do what we need to do when it works with our schedule. Even though this week I feel like he has spent allot of time avoiding me. Maybe that is just because of the firehouse. He really likes it there and I am happy that he has found something that works for him. I just kind of hate having to wait on him. I know that I have a busy schedule too but it still is kind of lonely at times. Occasionally I feel like this house is a prison. I am so melodramatic sometimes.

So heres to a lazy Saturday. Doing what I need to do as far as homework and housework goes and just relaxing. If, you can call section 3.3 of stats relaxing! =)

Class

So there was this guy in my class today who was being a complete butt wipe. (I would call him other things but I wont) We were discussing Christianity in China and how there were many underground churches and that you had to register to openly profess Christ. While I think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion this guy really angered me.

One thing that he said was that Christians could secretly live their faith. Oh of course I could not keep my mouth shut, of course I had to blurt out "But faith without works is dead!" I thought about what he had said. The fact that a common thought is that Christians hide their religion as a correct answer stunned me. I guess though that is what we tend to do in society today. Most Christians go to church on Sundays then live in a secular society. We go to secular schools, jobs, have a secular government, we even enjoy secular entertainment. It is no wonder that this individual made the correlation. What so many people explain as the Christian faith really is dead. They don't understand that Christianity is not one of those sit back and meditate type things. Its messy. Its always growing, changing. The story is always the same but the people telling it are not. Hopefully one day the guy that had such an issue will understand faith in Christ. I can only hope that is the case!

Day's go by

It seems like yesterday I was prepping for Christmas now, here I am back in school. Man how time flies. This is a short update. Rather than the cat snoring at my house I have nothing to report rather than a bout of vacation madness. I know that it is months away but I like to start dreaming now... Beach or Orlando...Beach or Orlando... Beach or Orlando...who knows!

Today.

So, I got a phone call today. Then a text message. And Finally an email. It is hard to believe that I have learned about three crazy different issues within a half an hour this morning. All of which surprisingly brought me to the edge of being furious. Sometimes that old saying of God never gives you more than you can handle crosses my mind.Who says that? Who says that God doesnt give you far more than you can handle to encourage you to trust in Him? Your support system he gave you??? Who says that he gives you things to show you you arent alone? Because I have a feeling some of the situations I have found myself in as of late have caused God to laugh. Laugh hard.

And yet I have to remember that he has only plans for me to prosper and that sometimes in order to prosper he has to prune the evil stuff away. That's hard. Really hard. Because sometimes the evil stuff is the only thing that I have to hold onto. Thats sad. That I even make that statement because I know its not true. I know that there is more than just evil in my life. And yet. That is the lie that I have bought into at times! If everything was fine all the time how would God reveal himself to us? How would we know he was with us. I dont think that we would be able to see that.

So, changing gears here. When we went to Cody's Grandmothers funeral the other week his mom and I made a memorial side show. It had music and allot of pictures of her life. Now I know that this sounds silly but I have decided that I am going to make one for my Papaw and Grandpa.Yes, Papaw has been dead for over 15 years and Grandpa Ray for over 8 but if I don't do this who will? When it comes time to show my children why hershy's kisses make me think back, why I want them to spend time with their grandparents how can I tell them? Will I still remember the Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus hymn that was sang at his funeral? Will I be able to tell them how Grandpa Ray loved big 8's or how he drove an El Camino.... WILL THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT AN EL CAMINO IS? I want them to know about their great grand parents. I want them to see what they looked like, they worked hard for, and their personalities. So, I am making these dvds. Come hell or high water. Come offensive remarks or not. This is my decision.

Through

I do not think that I have ever reached this level before. I thought that I had it all right. A person that would love me for me. A person that would see past my flaws. That would understand where I am coming from. A person that would want to travel this journey with me because I am an amazing person. Somedays, including today, I think that I have gotten this all wrong. My life has been a series of mistakes. Of choices I made too quickly. I should look back and think I got this all so right but after today and yesterday I can only think of the wrong. No, this is not a fit of anger or indecision. this is me realizing that I need to change. I need to stay only with those who care for me enough to help correct my mistakes. I need to live me own life and stop being someone elses Robot. My God how I am sick of being someone elses Robot. That person is influencing me way too much. Making me do things that I have never wanted to do. Making me be selfish, unhelpful and downright mean. Something has to change. And that something is not me. So, I have a semester left here in Brcc. Thats it. I think that it is time for me to make some decisions. To break free from some shakles. These chains are not even ones that I have made. They are ones that they have made to ensnare me. I have to decide whether to stay under those or get out of them.

What do you say?

I think the thing that hurts me the most in this world is hateful, inconsiderate people. I think my hatred grows for them everytime that they slight or hurt someone I love. Honestly, that is quite often. I mean these people are more centered on thinking about their wants than thinking about how their actions are going to effect other peoples feelings. I think that is what gets to me.

I mean things are not the only thing that are important in ones life. Neither is beating another person to the punch and claiming all those things. If things were so important then in the long run when we are born wouldnt we come with more than just ourselves?

Another sad thing about these people is that they hurt others. I hate being hurt by others. Especially people that know that they are doing it. I mean I get that you have to look out for yourself in this big old world but at the same time shouldnt you also care about others?

And then these people want to act like they are the righteous ones. There is nothing hypocritical about them. That hurts worse because in the long run they are hurting themselves.

Sometimes I swear that I am in a remake of a Christmas Carol and that people that I have met are like the Scrooges. MAN!

The beginning to the Eat this! Not That! Journey

So. Yesterday at Sams Club I picked up the EAT THIS NOT THAT book and after some reading discovered that perhaps the reason my mid section is a little bit rounder than I would like it to be would the calories that I was secretly packing in every day. Even things that I thought to be healthy weren't. So, I started reading labels. (Truthfully I threw out allot of the condiments in my fridge because of how calorie, fat, trans fat, and sodium rich they are.) It really surprised me. Here, are the things that I learned today.

1. Hidden Valley Ranch's main ingredient is: Soybean Oil. That's right. The oil that some people are using for their deep fat fryers is the same thing that we were pouring on our salads. Not only that!!! The calories and sodium in it is unbelievable! 140 calories for two Tablespoons! (My husband used at least 4 at dinner!) If I had my way we would be tossing it and converting to the light zesty Italian that had only 40 calories! (yes, I am proud of myself for making that switch and saving myself the 100 calories!)

2.Mayo is anything but simple and healthy. Over lunch I cut the mayo out and saved tons of calories.

3. spaghetti sauce for dinner tonight was also made from a prego free kitchen. After reading about what goes into prego really changed my mind.

So, drum roll! All together I saved 500 calories from my diet today. And, might I add I do not feel like I skipped anything vital. I am going to continue on and give it a try.

All good things...

... must come to an end. Its that proverbial saying that everyone dreads. The holidays, vacation, weekends... They all come to an end. And, I am counting down the end to community college. I think it really sunk in as I was surviving the bookstore rush this morning. This is it. The last time I will look at books, or buy them for that matter for a BRCC CLASS. I am kind of excited to receive that piece of paper that signifies my last two years haven't been a waste of time, and that makes me happy. At least I have something to show for them.

Maybe this whole deal with time is that I have realized how little we have of it. I'm learning that nobody knows when the day or the hour is that their life is over and that is why I want to make the best of it while we have the time we do. Cody's visiting his grandmother today and I really pray that he gets to spend some time with her. We have really appreciated your prayers regarding the whole situation. We are asking that you continue to pray for his whole side of the family. I will update whenever I can.

Rather than worrying about time I have also decided that I want to worry about a new t.v., living room tables, rug, and other things. I guess that is the problem with having all this time off during the holidays. You realize the things that you desperately want to get done.One of which is this living room makeover. It is just such a huge space and I dont think that I have enough furniture nor a big enough TV to fill it ( Cody is very happy about the big tv dilema)

So, classes start on the tenth. I will try to update before that =)