when did this happen?

When did the fire department become more important than me? I mean I get its his passion but don't I count for anything? The only thing he has done today is homework and stupid tests. For what? For a class that he does as a volunteer? For the hope that one day he will have a job as one? My oh my isn't that something to look forward to. A life of sleepless nights, holidays alone, cold dinners... all because he wants this. Well what about my wants? Where do those figure into the life we are building. If he isn't doing something regarding the stupid fire department then he isn't doing anything. Its not like I do not like him having passion for something. On the contrary I think its great. But when does that passion become a prison? When does it cause the ones you love to go insane? And where do you go when it overwhelms you. How do you deal with him refusing to even talk to you at the end of a day when all he cares about is getting enough rest for tomorrow? How do I fix this mess? How do I tell him this isn't working. That I resent how every minute of his day is dedicated to firefighting? How do I become at peace with this? How do I express what I feel? If I could hit the rewind button id keep my whole life the same minus this mess. He is a good husband, a great one. But ignoring your wife is not the way to go. Especially when she just wants time with you. At the end of the day all she wants is you. But what if he doesn't want me back? What if this crazy train has jumped the tracks or the monster he has become cannot understand what I am trying to say? Im so sick of sacrificing my life so he can do whatever he wants. I want my husband back.

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