WOOO HOOO!

So, its official! Me and my sisters have planned another AMAZING night out on the town! I cannot tell you how excited I am! We are going to see Chris Young in Concert at the Rockingham County Fair. I am super stoked! I feel like summer is finally here!!!

Rather than that we have just been relaxing and laying low here at the house. I have a supervision tomorrow to see how our organizing has been going. It has been going well. I have to say that the office is pretty well organized. Although weekly supervisions can be a drag I am hoping that this one will fly by and not be a whole day thing. I went and tanned today and need to go and do so again tomorrow to start building a tan for the beach. I'm also getting a new dishwasher tomorrow which means I have to be here while the guy installs it. But after a week of washing everything by hand you will not hear me complain! I cannot wait to get it installed! Hopefully it will be as quiet as the old one but there's no way to tell until it is here! Cannot wait.

And, if I have not mentioned it before our beach trip is June the 25th through July 2nd! That is going to be so much fun!!!!

That's all for now! I need to go and do a bit of cleaning =)

Lazy Days.

While it is nice to have a lazy day I am growning rather sick of them. Of course the fact that I am just trying to wiz through the month of June to get to the vacation at the end does not help matters! I am going to the beach!!!!! I am so excited. Although I get kind of nervous about the place that we are staying at because of all the mixed reviews that it has gotten. I mean the majority of the ones that have been recently posted are wonderful, everyone swears by it. However, then there are a few that make me cringe to think about. I hope that it turns out okay and that we have a lovely stay. I know that I could use it!

playing dress up.

Do you ever feel like you are playing dress up?like you don't belong? I swear that's how I feel.

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So...

I feel the need to write some non specific thing about a nonspecific person. So, this is all very non specific. About no one that you know, if you think you are this person you aren't. The person is NOT SPECIFIED.

So... Here is what I have to say. I tried to be nice. I tried to say only the positive attributes of you. I tried to build you up but in reality.... I think you are a trashy whore. Thats right. That is what I really think about you, Ms. Non- Specific person. W-H-O-R-E. Man, hows that for respectful? I think its very respectful.

Further more, I think it is ridiculous that I am having to write this like that but then again I guess I am taking pointers from you. So this is as good as it gets. This is the only time that I will air this but I need to.

You prance around acting like you are perfect like there is nothing wrong with you. In real life, you are an embarrassment that I tolerate because I have to. Nothing more. But then again the link is an embarrassment as well..

And you think that you get to run your mouth about me like I wont know your running it? I think that I have done this a time or two more than you have. So watch your back. Since you stuck a knife in mine I will be looking forward to being able to return the favor.

the truth hurts

Maybe its just me. Maybe I am too nice of a person. I bend over backwards for people.I feel like I do everything and then I get trashed. I'm so tired of feeling like this. So tired of being the responsible one. The one that works her ass off for everything. Doing other peoples work and then letting them claim it as their own. And when they have to figure out one or two small things on their own they have a hissy fit. I do it all. I'm a people pleaser. I push myself to the point i can't breathe. It hurts. It more than hurts... its an open wound that's been festering for awhile. It hurts. I'm so tired of being duped.

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On A Mission...

Our mothers day swah ray was picked to be on a mission from our company which was really awesome! That kind of made my day.


So today is Cody's day off and neither him nor I have really done anything together to spend time. We have vegged and done some paperwork but nothing more. I am strangely okay with that. Even though I desperately want Chick fil a for lunch. Maybe if I could get out of my pj's we could go there. That is the beauty of being able to work at home. You get lazy days but then there are super busy days on top of them. It is definitely a plus to it.

I am so glad that Scotty won American Idol last night but I hate the fact that this season was over. I guess that I have the Voice to look forward to. That and Rookie Blue coming back on. Oh yeah and vacation!!! We are booked at the Ocean Sands club Resort for the beach. I cannot wait for a week of paradise! Poolside bar, mai tai in my hand and a lazy river.... This makes me Super Happy.

So, its off my bum to decide if I want chickfila.....

Good Days.

Today was a good day....

Had a supervision that went really well, got to have lunch with my mother, got to see my dad, and my sister, and finally had a wonderful conversation with my husband. Now I am watching American Idol. And I really want Scotty to win but if Lauren wins then I will be okay. Because one reality tv show is not enough to get me down.

Summers around the corner and I just cant wait!

I don't feel like this is home...

Its hard for me right now. I am totally hormonal and upset as I write this but somehow the words are driving themselves out of me. I feel as though my house is no longer a home. There for a long time I was comfortable here. I even called it home.And I guess that it still does carry that name. But somethings wrong. I feel under the microscope. Every move I make is watched. I can't laugh, can't cry, can't show any emotion. It's ridiculous. I feel trapped. My husband wants me to be happy and supports me in saying this. How can this be a home when I can't express myself? I feel expressionless. But somehow I feel like I'm being admitted. When does this end? I do not really know... I love this job and every part of it but I do not feel like I have a voice when it comes to my own house and that scares me.

So Frustrated

So today the husband drops the bomb on me that he doesn't want to go on vacation this year. He would rather save the money were getting back on disney and not go anywhere. I want to go somewhere. I want to vacation and have a good summer. We go through this every year. He fights me tooth and nail about vacay and then makes crappy remarks after I plan the trip all the way through the trip. It hurts. I mean I get in the past that we weren't financially stable to take a trip but now? I feel like we deserve one. I mean I work sun up to sun down and yet I do not get a break? He doesn't care what I want though. Its sad to think that I pulled this money from my dream trip and yet I do not get a vacation this year... all he cares about is working his ems shifts and looking at pictures of ems stuff on the internet. I am sick of this!

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ARGGH

Well... Today is not a good day. Period. First off I am sick... Like puking and stomach cramp sick. Chills, Runny Nose, Sore Throat. You name it I have it and just can't seem to get rid of it.

And it always seems that whenever I am sick everything explodes regarding work. I mean its just hard for me to cope with everything when I am not feeling well. If anything I just want to go back to sleep today. I mean our job gives us the freedom to do that when no clients are home which is great. And I think I would sleep all day IF....

Our next door neighbors stopped using our culdesac loop as a super speed way!

I mean its really hard to sleep when you hear people driving around outside and then car doors slamming. IT actually has been a peeve I have had regarding this house from the very beginning. Although I like to think that no matter what house we live in we would have this very same problem. Or at least one of a similar caliber. That is just how my life goes.

Oh did I mention that my dishwasher is broken? So I am washing everything by hand again? I WANT MY DISHWASHER BACK! No. I am not being idiotic or stupid. I just want to be able to cut the joyous handwashing of dishes back out of my life.

FINALLY.....

Hazmat practicals are done!!! Praise GOD! I thought that they would never end. I think its just as much hell on the firefighters family as it is on him. I mean Saturday I get but SUNDAY?!? That was just a little extreme. One more hazmat class on Tuesday and it is all over! BOO YAH!

Sad...

It's sad that history is repeating itself. Sad that I try to warn people. Sad that they don't listen. Sad that I am right.I would give anything and everything to help that person. Anything to wind back time. But I can't. I took a stand for what I believed in. I believed that she was using him. I believed that continuing on with him when he went back into a relationship was enabling. It's so sad that she did it again. I feel sorry for him. Even though I attempted to cut ties I still wish him all the best.

Oh and the cat kept me up like all night. He kept running up and down the halls making me think that there was some creeper in our house or something. Kind of pathetic I know... From now on the cat goes into the basement. PERIOD.

And, as far as vacationing goes I am not sure what we are going to do this year. I am thinking three days in Williamsburg (mid week) and then 4 at Virginia Beach. I just do not necessarily want to go out of the state at this point. There is something about knowing that we are within 3 hours of the guys if they need anything...

Well, that is all for now. I am going to continue vacation browsing!

Training... GRRRR...

Well, it happened.

Our first training "heated discussion". I was thrilled to hear that Tuesday is his last hazmat class. I mean that ends the fire fighter one training that we have been working through. Every Tuesday and Thursday I can't plan anything because he is in class. Any other firefighter's wives have this problem? It is frustrating to me. I mean I understand the need to train and I think it's important.I just think it is better if we take a month off from classes and training. I mean I can handle it If need be however I feel like I have no choice in the matter. He is going to take the class whether I like it or not and I do not think that is a partnership. I feel as though he tells me he is taking a class instead of asking. I think that he understood where I was coming from and he did apologize. I just find it ridiculous that he wanted to be that bullheaded.

His first day of training went really well. He said he really enjoyed himself and I am glad that he did. He goes back tomorrow for another session. It's almost surreal that he is actually getting to do what he loves for a living.

That's all for now. I have gotta work on changing my blog profile because blogger somehow messed it up.

Im just sitting out here watching airplanes

Have you ever noticed when you are dreding something that day comes faster? Like today for instance... i mean todays not a big deal. Our super is coming to organize chart and we have a q. But it adds up. Codys at work. Which means its one of those silent days. I dont mind him working i just feel like a part of me is missing. Isnt that weird? I mean i know i will get used to this routine soon. Its just new. Heck, he isnt even outta training yet. Somehow i know i have got miles to go and right now im in a transitional period. Graduation, Codys new job, handing the household by myself. Each one is nothing by its self. But throw them together in a mixing bowl with each other, a knee injury, and bam! Youve got a semi stressful situation. But im up for it... i think

Other things are changing in my life. People who i swore were perfect together are calling it quits. Three couples to be exact. And i totally understand their feelings and i support each and every one of them. If they are unhappy then this is what to do. But it hurts. That fairytale we all believe in, the magic that keeps us moving on, sometimes it doesnt work out. I guess ill always hear about broken fairytales. But its okay. I really feel sometimes the only way to start a new life is to have a broken failytale before. Anywyas, i love em all. They are amazing people and ill do whatev i have to to support them :)

Well back to life :(

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N?Bzz.I

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This is it...

Today, I graduate from BRCC. No more classes in V then running across campus to make on in D. No more sitting in Professor Crocketts, Lewanes, Capuano, Ellers, and Johnston's class rooms. No more cafeteria food from the Blue Heron Cafe. No more kidding around with friends, knowing the inside jokes, meeting new people. We're done. Class of 2011. You know what? I think that this is the first time I have actually been overly proud of myself. Highschool graduation was no big deal. Everyone does that. But this is something that I did for me. Something that I can be proud of. Did I mention I am the first person from my dad's side to graduate college? Period? Talk about an intense amount of pressure. But I think I am up for it.

My family means everything to me. From my highs to my low's. They have been there to cheer me on... So have my friends. So even though this chapter of my life is officially closed today they are a theme that will be woven throughout every chapter. I am grateful for that...

So, this is the story of a girl. Born in a Small town. Who stay's true to herself. Who's determined to make something of herself. Who will not stop, will not rest. Will not be discouraged. She's going places. And if you want to come along please do! If not, don't hold her back!

changes

So my life is perpetually changing. First graduation, then the husbands new job, and finally added stress from family drama. This blog is supposed to be about the story of me. How i handle adversity, overcome it even. But i cant help but wonder sometimes if all this adversity is for a reason or just to grate against my nerves. Whatever the reason is that the adversity is there it is. And then just when you feel like you're going to completely drown the clounds part and the waves subside and you feel like you can breathe again.i'm at that spot today.

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You might be an EMTS wife if...

So, I dont think that it had sunk in when Cody said he had training all this week just how lonely I'd be. I guess I just got used to him being here with me all the time. I mean I really relied on him. And now, that he's gone I realize just how much I do. Now don't get me wrong. I am not one of those crazy women who cannot do anything without consulting her better half. I am instead kind of jolted out of a daily routine that I have gotten very used to. I think that this is the first week that there have been so many schedule things going on since we started this job. Tuesday- Friday he is working, then Saturday is my graduation, and Sunday is my party at dads. Next week looks better though.

Another reason you know that you are an EMT's wife is that he comes home and goes straight to bed. He is obviously exhausted and I feel sorry for him. But then again I think that this will be good for him. All we know regarding scheduling is that he is working Wednesday and Friday next week and the week afterwards to get his training in and then he will get offered shifts via text message! Pretty cool! Huh?

So rather than that I am sitting here watching cruddy daytime tv waiting to start the next round of pick ups and drop offs. I guess the good thing about today is that I get to see my sisters tonight! That always make things better!

These are the days that I remember

There are some days that just click. Today is one of them. I feel good about myself today. I did the whole morning routine by myself. Started the dishwasher, cleaned up the living room, got a load of clothes in the washer, transported. I feel good about everything. I really enjoy being at home. I cannot wait to take a little break from school even though my second class at Lu starts the end of June. I think this one class at a time thing is something that I could get used to. Especially considering that I have time now. I like doing things at home. There is something about being home every day that is comfortable to me. I love doing school from my bed. Its comfortable and it fits me well.

So here I am, 4 years after high school. Getting ready to graduate again. Some people say that community college isnt that big of a deal. It has a kinda stigma to it. But I do not even think that this graduation thing is about graduating. I think this to me is more of a celebration. A celebration that I followed my heart, everyone said I wouldn't make it but I did. My marriage, my family, everything. I did what many people believe to be impossible.

I did it.

I will stand by you...

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own,
You're not alone

I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry
I know its dark this part of life
Oh it find us all and we're to small
to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let go

Oh I'm gonna hold you

and I won't let go
Won't let you go

No I won't

This song is for a very special woman. I love you. I look up to you. I am blessed to have you around. =)

Fun Fun...

I had an amazing time with my sisters last weekend! (don't forget David Lee either!) Me and Danielle won tickets to the Friday night race then turned around and hocked them! It was AWESOME! Not to mention toasting everyone in site. It was awesome. I am more sad that it is over...

But time marches on. I want to plan another girls weekend sometime soon...

This weekend.

I cannot tell you how much this weekend meant to me. It was a really good time! And the best part? Next weekend I get to have a good time with my mom and brother! I am excited about that! I never thought that I would like a Nascar Race. I was hesitant when it came to going because I typically don't watch Nascar. I do not know that is normal but after going in person I cannot wait to go again or watch one on TV. I think it was so much fun! My sister got a tatoo this weekend and I am considering one as well. I cannot decide but i would want to get one just like hers ;) we could be twins... haha... just kidding!

So, I have been getting allot of restricted calls on my phone. That is harassment as well and I hope that the people that read this blog stop doing it. We are not high schoolers. Lets be adults.

So, my final exam for Math is Tuesday and I have so much work to do to finish that class. But I keep pushing... I can do it!!!!

Rather than that this will be a short post. <3

Sarah